Archive for October, 2009

Random JPG of the Day – and a Joke From My Mom

Friday, October 30th, 2009 by goldfarb

500x_ds_lite_cat

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Alberta when suddenly a Brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg ,Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored…
He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

You’re a cabinet minister from Ottawa, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than I you are; and You don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.”

Things that Must Look like Bai Ling’s Nipple

Friday, October 30th, 2009 by josa

chew 3 chew1 chew chew 2

so bai ling was given a 30K cat as a gift
which is amazing
that woman must have a vagina made of gold and timbits and vodka sodas and episodes of firefly
..i have to admit the cat is really cool, though
but…

“I sleep naked … She was kissing me, and suddenly, she woke up. She saw my nipple, and oh my God, she went for it. If I wasn’t fast, my nipple is gone. She thought it was a toy or something.”

bailingcatbither
(she’s from the moon, you know?

Clip of the Day

Friday, October 30th, 2009 by goldfarb

It’s a TED Talk…super interesting…worth the 20 minutes.

Happy Birthday

Thursday, October 29th, 2009 by goldfarb

Winona Ryder….
winona_ryder

god I love this picture.

Translation:

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 by josa

“i am so awesome..why can’t you just let me be awesome?”

lohanpcntattoo

response: fuck you..

find out who the narcissist is after the jump
Read the rest of this entry »

Yes

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 by goldfarb

3919819005_b7420152f7

Possibly the Best Commercial EVER

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 by goldfarb

You May Want To Lay Low For A While

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 by goldfarb

James Cameron’s Avatar is starting to get big in the news these days…
not a new observation…but something about this post yesterday on io9 has set the briancox on fire…

here is how it happened – a True Story™

Yesterday Colin and I are swapping e-mails about various stuff as usual…
then he sends me this:
(the following are the ACTUAL e-mails sent between Colin and Goldfarb)

Colin

So I’m reading this ‘Sci-Fi Hall of Fame’ book filled with all classic sci-fi shorts, novellas, etc. Just started a story from the 50’s last night called ‘Call Me Joe’ and did a double take (if you can do that while reading):

It’s about a wheelchair-bound character aboard a space station orbiting Jupiter. Since the conditions on the planet are deadly to humans, the scientists create a genetically engineered alien/human hybrid which is remote controlled by our wheelchair guy from orbit in order to better study the environment and wildlife. Though the alien design is quite different from Avatar, it does have a distinctive flat nose and blue skin. Uncanny.

There’s a bit more to the story, which is actually really cool, but I couldn’t believe what I was reading…

Goldfarb

hahaha
was it written by Harlan Ellison?

Colin

Naw, he learned his lesson and is now stealing from someone who’s dead. The author’s name is Poul Anderson, a pretty well-known sci-fi/fantasy writer.
Ellison will probably raise a stink in his honour, I’m sure…

later that day

Colin

What are the fucking odds?!

http://io9.com/5390226/did-james-cameron-rip-off-poul-andersons-novella

Goldfarb

odds are pretty good…I mailed this to them this morning…
see the second paragraph

Colin

I just realized you’d sent in that scoop. Too funny.

You got Devin all fired up now…

CHUD.COM Link

Goldfarb

OH GOD WE’RE IN TROUBLE…
SLASH FILM Link

Colin

HAHAHAHA, now they just have to find this Goldfarb fellow and nail him to the wall!

Goldfarb

I just told Carrie that I bet this will be in the NYT online by the end of the week…

Colin

Hopefully your name will be mentioned as the instigator. Fuck, I’d die.

Goldfarb

I was thinking I should mail spaz and tell him to apologize to Cameron for us…

Colin

I suggested in the CHUD forums that he may already own the rights for this story and will include an ‘inspired by’ credit in the movie. After the Harlan Ellison ta doo, you’d think he’d be more careful about this sort of this. The guy’s a gazillionaire, and could easily afford the $10,000 or whatever they’d charge for story rights. If they sue him after the fact, they could get boatloads of cash.

Goldfarb

true…
hahaha…”boatloads of cash”…intended?

Colin

Not intended. Well, time to pack it in, I believe we’ve caused enough trouble for the day. Fuck it’d be funny if this caused the movie’s downfall in some way. The headlines will read: “FOX FALLS. MYSTERIOUS “GOLDFARB” TO BLAME”

Goldfarb

it will all work out…
my corpse will be found tied to an iron girder at the bottom of the Challenger Deep…and the police will prove conclusively that only James Cameron has the technology to have placed the body there.

Colin

Or your body will be found after a forest fire sweeps through Malibu.
Apparently you were “swimming in his pool” at the time and were sucked up accidentally by his firetruck, mixed with Class A foam and sprayed on the fire. You see Your Honour, all just an accident! CASE DISMISSED!

It’d be funny if the name Goldfarb brings Cameron’s investigation to its knees. “Gold”, what’s he saying? He wants Gold from us? “Farb’……what the hell is a Farb?! Dammit we’ll never crack this case!

Colin

Throwing me under the bus, eh Goldfarb? Let’s see what the courts decide! Jim Cameron’s court…….on the moon….
[posted at io9]
GOLDFARB: I should point out that this was noticed by my friend Colin in this book:
[en.wikipedia.org]

@goldfarb: Good job, Goldfarb’s friend Colin. #avatar

Goldfarb

Et tu, Cunningham?
http://chud.com/forum/showpost.php?p=2733151&postcount=11

Colin

Hahaha, I sold MYSELF out with that post, your name was already mentioned in the io9 link Devin provided. Whatever, nothing will come of this (for us anyway). He’ll pay some bullshit fee like he did for Terminator and stick an ‘inspired by’ credit in there (if he hasn’t already). Devin’s going on a huge rant about this, but he’s been gunning for this movie from day 1 and will use any opportunity to make a stink. More hits for CHUD.com I guess…

Goldfarb

well that’s all the damage I can do for one day…
I’m going home to stock up on canned food and beef jerky.

Colin

The destruction of society as we know it , not a bad day’s
work.

here are JUST a few of the links out on the Briancox today about this…
http://www.hitfix.com/blogs/2008-12-6-motion-captured/posts/charge-of-avatar-plagiarism-goes-viral
http://www.imdb.com/news/ni1123293/
http://www.worstpreviews.com/headline.php?id=15564#at
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/james-cameron-stole-avatar-question-mark
http://www.twotalkingmonkeys.com/news/james-cameron-under-fire-for-avatar-accused-of-ripping-off-call-me-joe/
http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00028333.html
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movienews/james-cameron-may-have-committed-avatar-plagiarism
http://wearemoviegeeks.com/2009/10/james-camerons-original-avatar-might-not-be-all-that-original/
http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/26/avatar-james-cameron-steal-the-story/
http://www.comicbookmovie.com/fansites/TheDealio/news/?a=11304
http://www.whosdatedwho.com/news/story_view.asp?ID=52327

Space Assholes

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 by goldfarb

and here is the classic Dennis Leary song…sent IN SPACE!

Clip of the Day

Monday, October 26th, 2009 by goldfarb