dirtypiratewhores.com – Yeah for Schadenfreude! (In Your Face Since 2007!)

Here’s the new Bond trailer. Huzzah!

listen to some tunes at work MYSPACE

project teddy bear. a good cause that started with some good olde fashioned starfuckery LISA SPODAK’S BLOG

new ace and jocelyn! JAKEANDAMIR

lonely? KISSINGWITHROSS

wow…i hate her so much YOUTUBE

this shit is so politically correct that it is actually racist DIVERSITY

michel gondry’s (call me!) 25 favorite music video’s STEREOGUM

in my travels on the briancox
i think i have come across the most hugable bsg fan ever
(i find myself working away and then looking over and seeing another window open. when i click on it i find that i have entered ‘battlestar galactica’ as a search. man..when is it january again?)

keep clicking the image to see it full sized

to my single (and elegant) friends
or ones that are just so swayed by his lovely words to leave their men
i will research this shit and find this man for you

then video tape you secretly as you are out on your first date
(not all the way though..because that would be rude..no, just the dinner part and the dancing at crock rock afterwards)

the following is a transcript of a lovely message left on a lovely woman’s voicemail, by god’s gift to us

if you can handle it you can listen to it too

Message 1:

Hey Olga, it’s Dimitri.

Sorry I had to leave such a rushed message with you when we met the other day. I just wanted to quickly give you my phone number, and needed to get the heck out of the area. In any event, I thought I had better leave you a more detailed message and explain why I approached you. I am single. I have no trouble meeting women; I mean, women approach me six or seven times a day. But I’m extremely particular about what I like. You’re an extremely elegant woman. I couldn’t take my eyes off you, and your friends were very jealous, even if they say they weren’t they were envious of the fact that I approached you, and I was very taken by you. Elegant women are very rare. I’m Greek and I’m extremely particular about what I like. So I’m giving you an opportunity here. I don’t know if you picked up the message on the weekend but I’m working on a movie script so I’ll be doing that all weekend…

This looks like land line, and if it is, you may not get the message till Monday. But when you do, call me and we’ll get together for coffee or drinks, and let the romance begin. You looked very taken aback by my approach, and I hope that wasn’t timidness, I hope it was just shock at being approached so directly. Because I don’t really date timid women, because I’m a very direct, very passionate, very assertive man, and I want a woman who is very independent and strong. So… we’ll talk about that, but I just wanted to formally introduce myself. I leave the ball in your court. You call me as soon as you have the courage to. Okay, Olga? Talk to you soon, bye.

Message 2:

Hi there, Olga it’s Dimitri calling again, the guy from the street.
I left you a message several days ago you said you were interested. now here’s the way I work. I don’t like leaving second messages but I like you, you’re a very elegant woman, you’re very attractive, but, you know, I don’t play that game. I know your friends tell you not to return calls, you’re playing games like you see in stupid TV shows. So here’s how it’s gonna work it is now 4:30 on Wednesday. Now I’ll assume, I’ll assume that you’ve already left work, because, you know, some people leave work early, so I’ll grant you that. But if I don’t receive a phone call back from you by 3 o’clock Thursday afternoon I’m no longer interested and I’m going to erase your number. I don’t play games like that. I’m completely single, I’m very intelligent, I’m great in bed, I make great money. Believe it or not, I’m a complete catch. I’ve only been single four months; I had a long distance relationship for about a year, it’s very tough to maintain it like that; there’s nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact I’m one of the few men in the city that has nothing wrong with him. So I’m giving you the three o’clock deadline. If I don’t hear from you by then, you lose my number — I’m erasing your number right now, so you won’t be hearing back from me.

So that’s it: three o’clock tomorrow, or you can just completely forget it.

Now I understand if you’ve got other issues, maybe you’re not playing games, I don’t know… maybe you were abused in childhood?…Maybe your mother has cancer, and you’re going to chemo…maybe you’re just a person who’s extremely frightened or has an anxiety disorder, maybe you’re on some medication for that…I don’t know, there could be another issue that I’m not aware of. But nobody says “Call me,” hands a person a business card and then doesn’t return calls. It’s extremely passive aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder. You let me know, if you’ve got issues, psychological issues, if you’re on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I’m not interested. But if you’re psychologically normal, and you haven’t called me because there’s been some horrible thing that’s happened in your life that’s prevented you from returning my calls, that’s fine. But otherwise? Don’t call me. Okay, bye.

If it were, it’d make total sense. Nope, this is from crazy white folks.

oh, yeah – that brazilian model is a real fucking porker EGOTASTIC

dallas green, you so crazy wacky zany betattooed and talented (i think he has one more album in him and then i am going to have to call repeater) OH! PUNCH BUGGY GORD DOWNEY! MYSPACE

scarlett johansson thinks way too much of herself MOLLYGOOD

speaking of.. it’s like a horrible train wreck. or sour milk that you shove in a friends face “here, taste this..it’s awful” YOUTUBE

i don’t know what the time difference is – or where they are right at this moment, actually – but one thing is sure, they are likely fucking PEOPLE MAGAZINE

hahahahahahahahahahahahhaha! WHATWOULDTYLERDURDENDO

so i am watching and watching
and this keith dildomen is really really trying to crawl right up will smith’s poopchute
and jason bateman is funny as usual
honest and funny

then
at around 4:30, it happens
RESULTS!!
yes…movie! movie! movie! movie! (continue chant)

“go ahead. that’s a softball. take it.”

because i really like snoop dee.oh.dubbel.gee.
and willy nelson
and everlast